Life: Hiding under my rock

4/26/2012 07:40:00 PM Ashley 2 Comments

I'm alive, hard to believe I know. Some mornings I wake up and wonder if I'm actually living or just watching life happen around me.

Lets just say it's been a tumultuous month with more downs than ups since being back here. Unpacking and decorating have pretty much come to a halt as we decide what our next steps are.

I knew moving back here was going to be hard, but I didn't expect the issues and stress that I've seen this last month. If you had asked me 2 years ago where I wanted to be I would have quickly said that I wanted to be back here. That was me holding onto something...a memory if you will. A memory that had long passed, a fact that I knew, but I still held onto. It was all I had known for 24 years of my life. It was my stability, no matter how unstable my life actually was here. Deep down I knew that coming back here was not an option, but I held on. More and more reality set in. I knew there would be problems, but I never excepted them to show themselves in this way.

I haven't felt well since I got here, some of it due to the huge altitude change, but also the added stress and fear of being back. My last 2 years here were not happy ones. Indeed some might say they were tragic. It's something I dealt with and will continue to deal with, but being back here makes it that much harder.

I don't want to spend the next 3 years in fear. I can't and I won't, it's not fair to me or Nate. So we are in a holding pattern until things get smoothed out around here. That means happy decorating post and how to organize ideas will have to wait. I will try to post, but I can't make any promises. Right now we are in the process of moving forward. Hopefully it won't take too long as Nate and I are needing a happier month. And maybe...just maybe we'll be back with better, happier news!


  1. We care about you and Nate so much and hope things start to get better.

  2. I'm sorry to hear things are so hard right now. I just want you to know you're in my thoughts. I hope things turn around for you, but not just in the short term to put a smile on your face, but for long-term satisfaction and joy. Wishing you the best!