Life: The childfree choice
I know I said that I tend not to get really personal on this blog, but recently my thoughts have been stuck on things going on with me and around me. So, take these thoughts for exactly what they are...my own personal thoughts.
I wish someone had warned me that this is the time in my life when so much would change for others...but not for me.
I guess I should explain.
Just a few years ago everyone was getting married...as were Nate and I, so we didn't feel out of place. Now, though, everyone seems to be pregnant. And by everyone, I mean I learned that at least 10 people that we know are expecting all around the same time. Now instead of being asked if we have a date set and what our colors are going to be, were being asked when we're going to start a family and how many we want.
To answer those questions, it's never and zero. You can quit tilting your head now, because you did read that correctly. We are not having children.
I have never had a love or fondness for small humans, in fact one screaming session from them can send my eye a twitch. I don't coo when I see a newborn baby...at most I get exited for their clothing, but I can give clothing to my pregnant friends.
I should state that there are kids that I can be around and actually enjoy, that's because they have great parents and are well mannered. But it doesn't make me want one of my own.
It's not only that I'm not a huge fan of kids, it's also because I'm selfish. I want to be able to travel on a whim. I want to be able to drop $300 on clothing or shoes and not have to worry about not putting that towards a child. I want to sit for hours on end creating things, without being bothered. I know a lot of people think that something will change in me...but to those people I say: don't hold your breath.
Now while I don't want kids...I am very happy for all of my friends who are pregnant or have just had babies, because I know it's something they have wanted and it makes them so happy. And honestly it's wonderful to see.
Yet I can't help but feel like we are total oddballs. Everyone is starting, what is going to be for them, a wonderful chapter in their lives. With us skipping that chapter (or four), we're left in a grey area. It's going to be harder and harder for us to make friends, which is already hard for us, simply because we will be childfree. It makes you feel left out, even when no one is purposely doing it.
I guess, now that I am faced with the fact that this is baby season, I'm shocked at how much is changing. I'm normally fine with change, but it just seems like there is a lot of change going on around me and just with myself in general. It's a little bit freaky and keeps me from ever feeling 100% normal. I am totally happy with our choice to be childfree, but I can't help but feel like I should be super excited about babies. Am I missing a gene?
Perhaps everything will fall into place and I'll stop feeling so left out of something I don't even want to be a part of. And maybe just maybe we aren't the only people that know for certain that the only little pitter pat of tiny feet in the house will be that of Emmett's and any other dogs that we may get. I can only hope.