Life: The childfree choice

6/09/2011 07:00:00 AM Ashley 6 Comments

I know I said that I tend not to get really personal on this blog, but recently my thoughts have been stuck on things going on with me and around me. So, take these thoughts for exactly what they own personal thoughts.

I wish someone had warned me that this is the time in my life when so much would change for others...but not for me.

I guess I should explain.

Just a few years ago everyone was getting were Nate and I, so we didn't feel out of place. Now, though, everyone seems to be pregnant. And by everyone, I mean I learned that at least 10 people that we know are expecting all around the same time. Now instead of being asked if we have a date set and what our colors are going to be, were being asked when we're going to start a family and how many we want.

To answer those questions, it's never and zero. You can quit tilting your head now, because you did read that correctly. We are not having children.

I have never had a love or fondness for small humans, in fact one screaming session from them can send my eye a twitch. I don't coo when I see a newborn most I get exited for their clothing, but I can give clothing to my pregnant friends.

I should state that there are kids that I can be around and actually enjoy, that's because they have great parents and are well mannered. But it doesn't make me want one of my own.

It's not only that I'm not a huge fan of kids, it's also because I'm selfish. I want to be able to travel on a whim. I want to be able to drop $300 on clothing or shoes and not have to worry about not putting that towards a child. I want to sit for hours on end creating things, without being bothered. I know a lot of people think that something will change in me...but to those people I say: don't hold your breath.

Now while I don't want kids...I am very happy for all of my friends who are pregnant or have just had babies, because I know it's something they have wanted and it makes them so happy. And honestly it's wonderful to see.

Yet I can't help but feel like we are total oddballs. Everyone is starting, what is going to be for them, a wonderful chapter in their lives. With us skipping that chapter (or four), we're left in a grey area. It's going to be harder and harder for us to make friends, which is already hard for us, simply because we will be childfree. It makes you feel left out, even when no one is purposely doing it.

I guess, now that I am faced with the fact that this is baby season, I'm shocked at how much is changing. I'm normally fine with change, but it just seems like there is a lot of change going on around me and just with myself in general. It's a little bit freaky and keeps me from ever feeling 100% normal. I am totally happy with our choice to be childfree, but I can't help but feel like I should be super excited about babies. Am I missing a gene?

Perhaps everything will fall into place and I'll stop feeling so left out of something I don't even want to be a part of. And maybe just maybe we aren't the only people that know for certain that the only little pitter pat of tiny feet in the house will be that of Emmett's and any other dogs that we may get. I can only hope.


  1. i like to think of it as being childfree, not childless. ;-)  i think childless implies you are lacking something.  childfree means you are, well, free to do what you want.

    anyway, good blog.  we are in the same boat.  i really wish i had more childfree friends to hang out with lately.

  2. Oh man thanks for the childfree comment. For some reason that word was not
    popping into my head when I wrote this. Now to change the wording!

    I totally agree with with wanting childfree friends. Much like we'll never
    know/understand what it's like to want/have kids. A lot of people will never
    get/understand our reasoning for not wanting kids. It's nice to have people
    around who understand your life choices.
    On Jun 9, 2011 10:18 AM, "Disqus" <>

  3. Whatever makes you guys happy :) At least you are both on the same page, if you ever think you want kids, you can babysit my 2 lol

  4. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt. 
    At least you know what you want. :) You are one step ahead of a lot of other couples out there. 

  5. There's nothing wrong with not having children. Nothing at all. I was on the exact same page as you several years ago. Yes, I'm expecting now, but because of things that happened in my life that are unique to me and changed my point of view. I think there's a line drawn between couples who are childfree and those who have children. If you enjoy them as people and they have well mannered children you enjoy being around, there's no reason a good relationship can't exist. We've had friends like that for years, just by choosing the right people and embracing their children as a part of their every day life.

  6. This post rocked my socks! I 100% agree with you on all counts. I like spending money...on me.

    I feel like I get looked at like an alien when I say I don't want children.

    Oh well :)