Life: And I'm off!

Well folks I am off to my vacation at Sandals in Antigua. Okay, maybe not quite yet, but we have to leave for the airport at 4am, so I'm saying my good-byes now.

But don't you worry, I'll be back with wonderful pictures and stories!

Life: June 16 (the day my world stood still)

It's been 5 years.

Where has the time gone?

It feels like yesterday I said "I love you" and "good-bye" one final time. The memory of the last time you spoke to me is still fresh in my head. I just kept saying "I love you", because deep down I knew that after that night I was never going to get to hear your voice again.

Now after 5 years I have forgotten the sound of your voice and even how you smell. That freaks me out beyond words and just thinking about it quickly brings me to tears.

But no matter how much I miss you, how much I cry, how much it hurts and how empty my heart feels...

...I am okay.

In fact I am living my life as best as I can.

A lot has happened in 5 years. Some of it would make you sad, like that I don't talk to my sister or father. But there are reasons for it, like my sanity and peace of mind. Even though that isn't what you wanted for us, it's what I needed. I always hope that you would understand, though if you were still here they would probably still be in my life.

Then there is all of the other crazy, exciting, scary stuff. I bought a house and tried to make it my own in a very short amount of time, but I wanted nothing more than to have you there to help decorate. I met a guy, Nate, who I would end up marrying, you and he would have gotten along amazingly well. I bought a dog, to keep me company and make me laugh. I also finally went to St. Thomas. I know you said you'd never go back because of too many bad memories, but I enjoyed getting to see a place you once called home. Then I moved, which was the last thing I expected, but I was in love and love sends you to places you may never have wanted to go. Then Nate proposed, at the Broadmoor Hotel, because he knew how many memories I had at that hotel (you would have been so proud). I continued living in a state I hated, which made me miss you more, but I made it through. I traveled to San Francisco a few times and it's where I ended up finding my wedding dress. That was a hard moment, being around other brides who had their mothers there. Then, after months and months of planning, Nate and I got married. I think you would have loved the venue. We even set out a memorial bouquet of your favorite flowers, Shasta Daisies.

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I forgot to mention, Nate is in the Air Force and is a Physicist. I would have never expected that in a million years, but love has a funny sense of humor (I'm betting you knew I'd marry someone who was really good at math). Of course it's taken some time getting use to being a military wife, though I doubt I will ever really get use to it, it's kind of like middle and high school all over again. I've learned that I'm not a fan of moving. Who knew?

I made friends and lost friends. I gained 50lbs. I lost who I was. Just when I was about to have a huge pity party, we found out we were moving. Again. Now I know why you hated packing. Plus I worry about everything, just like I always have. Luckily we moved to a great new state. I've made new friends. I'm working out (I know, I know...crazy). And I'm doing all I can to rediscover myself.

Along the way, I started this blog. I named it "The Thing About Daisies..." as a homage to you, because the thing about daisies is that they remind me of you. So every day when I write on this blog, I think about you.

I just wanted you to know, wherever you are, that I am okay and I am as happy as I feel that I can be. I live every day to the best of my ability, because as I learned life is too short. You made me strong, opinionated, witty, caring and vibrant and for that I thank you. As much as I need you here, I know that I can face life head on because of what you taught me, but most of all because of how much you loved me.

I love you will all of my heart mom. You are missed every day, but loved even more than that.




To learn more about Kidney Cancer you can read my blog post about it here. Or you can learn about it here. Want to donate? Go here.

Beauty: Purple streak

I forgot to mention in my update last week that I also got my hair colored. A few weeks ago I stumbled across this photo on Pinterest:




And I instantly fell in love with the color. Seeing as there was no way that I was going to cut my hair that short, I had no idea if I could pull off the color. Luckily I have found an amazing salon and ended up with rockingly awesome hair!

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Sorry for the lackluster photos, it's the best my phone can do. Anywho...I love the look. It took a little longer than expected, because my hair wasn't playing as nicely as it should have. But once all was said and done...I was sold. Who knew that red and purple went together so amazingly well!? Perhaps I'll have to do this again!

Life: The childfree choice

I know I said that I tend not to get really personal on this blog, but recently my thoughts have been stuck on things going on with me and around me. So, take these thoughts for exactly what they are...my own personal thoughts.

I wish someone had warned me that this is the time in my life when so much would change for others...but not for me.

I guess I should explain.

Just a few years ago everyone was getting married...as were Nate and I, so we didn't feel out of place. Now, though, everyone seems to be pregnant. And by everyone, I mean I learned that at least 10 people that we know are expecting all around the same time. Now instead of being asked if we have a date set and what our colors are going to be, were being asked when we're going to start a family and how many we want.

To answer those questions, it's never and zero. You can quit tilting your head now, because you did read that correctly. We are not having children.

I have never had a love or fondness for small humans, in fact one screaming session from them can send my eye a twitch. I don't coo when I see a newborn baby...at most I get exited for their clothing, but I can give clothing to my pregnant friends.

I should state that there are kids that I can be around and actually enjoy, that's because they have great parents and are well mannered. But it doesn't make me want one of my own.

It's not only that I'm not a huge fan of kids, it's also because I'm selfish. I want to be able to travel on a whim. I want to be able to drop $300 on clothing or shoes and not have to worry about not putting that towards a child. I want to sit for hours on end creating things, without being bothered. I know a lot of people think that something will change in me...but to those people I say: don't hold your breath.

Now while I don't want kids...I am very happy for all of my friends who are pregnant or have just had babies, because I know it's something they have wanted and it makes them so happy. And honestly it's wonderful to see.

Yet I can't help but feel like we are total oddballs. Everyone is starting, what is going to be for them, a wonderful chapter in their lives. With us skipping that chapter (or four), we're left in a grey area. It's going to be harder and harder for us to make friends, which is already hard for us, simply because we will be childfree. It makes you feel left out, even when no one is purposely doing it.

I guess, now that I am faced with the fact that this is baby season, I'm shocked at how much is changing. I'm normally fine with change, but it just seems like there is a lot of change going on around me and just with myself in general. It's a little bit freaky and keeps me from ever feeling 100% normal. I am totally happy with our choice to be childfree, but I can't help but feel like I should be super excited about babies. Am I missing a gene?

Perhaps everything will fall into place and I'll stop feeling so left out of something I don't even want to be a part of. And maybe just maybe we aren't the only people that know for certain that the only little pitter pat of tiny feet in the house will be that of Emmett's and any other dogs that we may get. I can only hope.

Life: Update

I've been gone for almost a solid 3 weeks and it feels good. While I do have things I could have been posting about, I just feel that it doesn't really matter. I've been watching my blog readers slowly drop off and I just hit a wall.

This is a blog for all things that I do, love and make. It's not quite a personal blog (as in I'm not always blogging about my super personal life) and it's nowhere near being a professional blog where I'm given goodies to review. It is what it is, and I understand that. Yet at the same time I can't help but yearn for other people's thoughts on what I am doing. It is after all a public blog. And as a human being I do strive for approval...as much as I wish I didn't.

Then there's the fact that life has been...not so much busy, but just different.

Here's a little update with what's been going on...

A few months back we got the not so happy news that Emmett had heartworms. Gross and shocking all at the same time. We knew that we weren't the best a giving him his heartworm medication on time, due to or move, but he was still getting it within a week of when he should. So we set off on tests and medicine to prep him for two months of treatments where he wasn't allowed to move much at all or get excited. It pretty much meant that one of us always had to be home with him. We were going to start treatments in May, with hopes of him being done by June so that we could go on vacation. Then we pushed the treatment start date back to July, so that the worms had time to grow into adults. 'Cause adults are easier to kill. With the date being pushed back and an okay from our vet about it not being a problem to board Emmett, we booked a vacation (we'll get to that in a moment).

Then a few weeks ago we get a call from our Vet saying that one of the dogs that tested positive was retested and they came back as a false positive. So they decided to retest all of the dogs that had were positive that had been tested around the same time. We were told that most likely Emmett would still have heartworms, but that they wanted to be 100% sure. Fast forward two weeks and we are calling to harass them, because we want to know! They tell us that they have some results but that they were testing again to really make sure. Fast forward, yet again, to two days ago. We called again and found out that he doesn't have heartworms! There is some odd anomaly that happened and a handfull of dogs got false positive tests back. Currently the Vet is trying to figure out what could cause this, because they have never seen something like this. We'll have to have Emmett tested again in 6 months (instead of the year), just to make sure that he really doesn't have it.

Can you say stress!? These past few months I have felt like a horrible dog owner. I've cried, I've been stresses and now...finally I can be happy!

Which leads us to...our vacation! Nate and I haven't been on a proper vacation in four years. When he was still at the Academy we went to St. Thomas for spring break and it was AMAZING! But that's it. We never got to go on a honeymoon, even though we both wanted to go on one. So four years later we are going to Sandals in Antigua! We're going with another couple, which we are excited for. But mostly I can't wait to hit the beach and just relax. We leave in a week and a half and I am already getting my clothing ready! This is something both Nate and I have needed. Especially now that Nate is half way done with his masters degree.


I guess those are my two big updates. I can't really say if this blog is going to keep up at the pace it once did. It just depends on how I feel and if I want to share what's going on.

I guess I'll leave it in your hands...do you want to see this blog stay alive? Or are you fine with how it is?
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