LIfe: The eyes have it

2/08/2010 01:49:00 PM Ashley 1 Comments

After posting about my eye makeup the other day, Nate and I got talking about my eyes. Once upon-a-time that would have bothered me to no end, because not so long ago I hated my eyes.

Growing up I always liked my eye color, but I absolutely hated everything else. I felt like my eyelashes weren't full enough, but my eyebrows were too full. Yet those seemed like nothing compared to how much I hated how narrow eyes were and that I had a crease that was tucked away and fully went away if I ever smiled. It didn't help that others targeted this "flaw" and made fun of it. I went through middle school doing everything I could to try to make my eyes look different. To make them stand out. I even went through a phase where I tried not to smile (yeah that worked out real well).

I think this eye "dilemma" is what started me on the road to being addicted to eye makeup. I always played with shadows, liners and mascara with the hopes of something magically just happening. All I wanted was to have eyes and eyelids that showed off the color I had just painstakingly applied. I wanted eyelashes that didn't touch my eyelids, which resulted in them rubbing mascara off onto my eye lids. This also meant that I couldn't curl my lashes, because it just jammed them even more into my lids. I wanted to be able to apply mascara without having to worry about my lashes slowly clumping just from blinking (and smiling). Then there was the fact that shadow dissolved in a matter of hours. What once looked rich and full of color now looked faded and sloppy.

It was a lot to ask for and sooner or later I had to face the fact that I am who I am and it wasn't going to change. It didn't matter how much makeup I owned or how much I cried. It just wasn't going to happen. Then one day all of the hate and pain from being made fun of just went away, because I had to let go of it and move on.

I can actually pinpoint the moment when I knew I was okay with my eyes. I was having a caricature drawn of myself and my very good friend. The artist was very funny and kept us laughing the whole time. He would lightly poke fun at us and us back at him. Then he said it.
He joked that he was going to be nice and give me eyes, because my eyes were totally gone with the amount I was laughing. Instead of freaking out like I once would have, I busted out laughing even more. Of course I thanked him for being kind enough to give me eyes, seeing as I kinda need them to see.

Thank you mister artist sir for giving my drawing eyes. I would have just looked silly if you hadn't.

I will admit that I still have moments where I get exasperated (like the other night when I started with nice lashes and ended with a clumpy mess), but I learn and move on. It's only makeup. I will always play with my makeup. Not for the fact that I am trying to hide anything, but because now I know I can do things to enhance what I already have. I know that my mascara will most likely become a little clumpy by the end of the day and that I will probably have to wipe away mascara marks from my eyelids. I also know that sometimes all of the hard work spent on blending colors will slowly fade as the day goes on. I will never have that "perfect" eye to show off eye color. That's okay with me, because I now love the fact that someone can tell how happy I am by how much my eyes disappear. It's something that makes me unique and I finally can see how important that is.

The progression of happiness, as seen through my eyes...

Bamboo background
If I am just smiling for a personal photo, I can tend to keep my eyes looking fairly open.

When it's a real smile you can see the starts of the "squint". It's about this time that Nate starts asking me if I just see in a thin line of everything.

When excitement hits, the eyes get smaller. I was very excited for this pickle, I got to hang it on the first Christmas tree I ever bought in my brand new home.

Full on laughter and happiness means that my eyes are nowhere to be found. True and utter happiness is being had!

Now that you have read my story, I'd love to hear yours. What is something about you that you had issues with, but came to love? Is there a way you can tell how happy you are (eyes, smile, dimples...etc)?

1 comment :

  1. I have an extra tooth. The baby tooth never came out so there's one sitting on top of the others. Unless I smile real big, you can't see it. I still want to get it fixed but it's been there for so many years that I've gotten used to it.

    FWIW, I have squinty eyes, too! I always look like I've smoked something special in pictures.